Babies & Beyond

Diary Of A C-Section Mama

May 9, 2019

I want to introduce you all my super strong best friend, Georgia. She is an amazing mama to her little boy Chester. This post is dedicated to all the C-Section Mamas out there. This post was written by Georgia.

My most feared words ‘your only option is to have a c section’. Throughout my pregnancy the thought of giving birth terrified me. I never made a birth plan as I knew it would not work the way I wanted it to, and I didn’t want to be disappointed. I never planned and I didn’t set my heart on anything. But there was one night I was laying in the bath, to try and help my backache. As I lay there relaxing in my nice hot salt bath listening to queen (yes, I’m a big queen fan) my little boy started to have a wriggle. Deep in thought and super relaxed I said to myself “I could give birth like this right now”. So, with that in mind I decided if I could I wanted a water birth with queen playing in the background.

One thing I did have set in stone was how much I did not want a C-section. I knew my little one was breech but as the months went on, the midwifes insisted he would move but he never did. With only 6 weeks left of my pregnancy, they booked me in for an ECV to try and turn him. It was fucking awful, so painful but I insisted to keep trying until the pain got too much and we were still having no luck.

Fear started to overrule my body, which suffering with anxiety as it is, nearly sent me over the edge. I knew if this didn’t work, I had to face my worst fear. The C-section. After an hour of trying to turn him and two doctors trying, they gave up and said the dreaded words.

I know I had to come to terms with the fact I couldn’t give birth to my baby. But I felt like my body was failing me, I felt like I wasn’t worthy of calling myself mum. That I hadn’t earned my right to be a mum. Would I even be able to hold or change my baby? What Mother would I be if I can’t even pick my baby up? I had so many questions and worries.

The day arrived and even though I had 2 weeks to get ready, I was physically prepared, but I was still so mentally unprepared. I didn’t know anyone who had had a C-section so there was no one to tell me I was going to be okay and what to expect. As I sat in the labour suite with my mom and partner waiting to be taken to theatre all I could do was cry and say fuck this I’m going home I’ll stay pregnant it’s fine. Which obviously I couldn’t do. The midwife came and collected me. When I was all ready and numb my partner joined me and held my hand while we waited to hear our little one cry for the first time.

In all honesty we sat and chatted about how hungry we were and what we could eat right at that moment, and then he cried. No one can prepare you for that very first moment you see your baby. The worst bit was my partner and baby being taken away from me to go into recovery whilst I was being stitched up. This was the worst time in my life, I felt so alone and so jealous that my partner was with my baby and I wasn’t. The night in the hospital was awful and having to learn to walk again wasn’t great and I was in complete and utter agony. Going home was awful they discharged me far too early as I still couldn’t walk.

Even though the first two weeks were horrendous as having a baby is hard, but also trying to recover from major surgery felt impossible. But here I am 5 weeks later nearly fully recovered, doing more than I probably should but hey we’re moms’ people we don’t have time to sit and take it easy. With my baby in my arms sleeping, I now know my anxiety and thoughts before were bullshit.

I am a mom; I did give birth but just in a different way to save mine and my child’s life. No, it wasn’t ideal, but we did it and I do deserve to be a mom and I did earn my title of ‘mom’ just like every other mom out there.

Whether you give birth naturally or not, you are a mother.

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